The start of another week. The last week of regular rehearsals. Next week we begin dress rehearsals. Aaahh! What was I smoking when I picked this show?! Life-sized teapots, transforming Beasts...
But it will all be amazing in the end, I know it.
So here are the stats: 67 pounds total and 59 post-op.
The amount of energy I have is, frankly, thrilling to me. I love that I'm not exhausted by being on my feet all day. I love that I can run up a flight of stairs. Hell, I'm loving that I can run an entire block! I can now run all the way from Fairground to Summer street in Hillsboro. It probably sounds stupid to most of you, but coming from 300+ pounds and not being able to run more than 10 feet, it's quite an accomplishment. I am also enjoying it, especially as the weather gets warmer. Maggie is loving it, too.
I think I'm starting to unravel all of my issues with my new physical perception.
Like I have said before, I have struggled with weight most of my life. After puberty, it became a very big issue. Naturally, this affected my self esteem. No one wanted to date me in high school, and I was sure it was because of my appearance. I still don't know why, but it doesn't matter now. I'm not here to dwell on the past.
Anyways, I would obsess about my appearance, trying to find something that was attractive. Do you ever notice that after you look at a word a lot, it starts to look really weird or distorted? I think that happened with me. I started to distort what I saw in the mirror and only saw what I wanted to see, which was, of course, someone much smaller. Then I would see pictures and be surprised at how I looked. My brain would choose to ignore that.
My current weight it where I think my mind was nearly 70 pounds ago. So now, what I see in the mirror is what my brain is actually seeing! So it's like nothing has changed.
Did any of that even make sense?
No? Okay. I think Beauty and the Beast has damaged my brain.
Ultimately, I did this to better my health and to live a longer, fuller life. However, I dare to hope that this weight loss may help me to be more attractive to someone... I know, I know, appearance shouldn't matter to someone who loves you, but let's be honest. It does. There has to be an element of physical attraction in a relationship.
I have about 2 more months to get to my goal before vacation in the Dominican Republic! 23 more pounds.
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