Affairs and guilt

We have a love affair with food. I do, at least. I've never met anyone who doesn't genuinely enjoy good food. 

My love affair with food has been changed. I still enjoy good food, don't get me wrong. I enjoy it in much smaller portions and I enjoy healthier options. I mourned my loss of food for a very long time. It would be sad to me that I couldn't eat 2 plates full of food. I think the grieving time is over. I am learning to satisfy my mind with less food. 

Is it weird that it still bothers me to waste food? We ate at the buffet at our resort often and I rarely finished a plate. I tried to get as little as possible so I wouldn't waste, but sometimes I wanted tastes of many different things. I held such guilt while I was there. I know there were people just miles from me who are hungry and here I am; throwing away food. It just messes with me. But I have to keep telling myself- just because they are hungry doesn't mean you have to eat their portion too. I still remember my grandma making me finish my happy meal when I was little because she grew up so poor and went hungry often. 

I have made sacrifices and sometimes people are surprised at some of the things I have to do that comes as a result of this surgery. Just to name a few...

No more ibuprofen or aspirin for the rest of my life. 

Eliminating foods with added sugar. (And if I do make a poor decision, I pay for it!)

Never eating and drinking at the same time. (It hurts!!)

Plastic surgery for loose skin. 

I would do it all over again!! Obesity is like a prison. It's a vicious cycle that is so hard to get out of. The freedom I feel is amazing. I know that I could not have done this without the surgery as a tool. Because of the surgery, I was able to get weight off and be motivated by the results. I am able to exercise now without my joints rebelling. I now have the tools to keep going with my weight loss and live a healthy life. How lucky am I to have a second chance at life?

My 28th birthday will mark one year since I began my journey. I think that calls for a party!

Caribbean fun!

I've been in the Dominican Republic for the past week and have had an absolute blast! We have been on the beach, at the pool, partying, and relaxing. 

The Dominican men love curvy American blondes, so the attention from them hasn't been surprising. But, attention from other men has been surprising! It is an adjustment, that's for sure. 

Watching what I eat has been a struggle here, especially with the alcohol. I wouldn't be surprised if a few pounds snuck on this week. But, it's back to work running and eating right when I get back home. 

Tomorrow we are getting pedicures and soaking up our last day in the Caribbean. We fly out on Wednesday back to Richmond. Then I fly back to Indy on Friday. 

Here's a picture of my new swimsuit body! (Let's be honest, I'm FAR from a swimsuit body, but I certainly look better!)

1 week!!

Oh my goodness, I can't sleep because I am so excited about my vacation! 

I just got back to Hillsboro today from my moms. I played flute with the Urbana Pops Orchestra on their concert last night. I will be honest, I am pretty rusty as far as flute playing is concerned. I haven't done any hard core playing since my Millikin days 6 years ago. It took some serious work to get myself back in shape. By the concert, I finally felt like a competent flutist again. I really need to play more; I love it and I have an incredible instrument that does a lot of sitting in the case. 

I also managed to lose another pound while I was in Villa Grove. Woo!! I did my second day of C25K while I was there. I have yet to do my third day. I had some sort of bronchitis or something going on. Anyway, I've been hacking up a lung for multiple days. I would like to be able to breathe again before I do day 3 of C25K. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. 

I went to visit my dad today before I left. Even though our relationship has been pretty hit and miss, he has always been very supportive of my surgery. He always asks me how much weight I've lost and has a huge smile when I tell him the number. Support is everything to me- it keeps me going. There are days where I just really need encouragement, and I never have to look far. 

I will be getting blood tests done soon to check cholesterol, triglycerides, etc. After years of dreading those numbers, I'm actually excited to find out what they are. My blood pressure has never been high, but always on the higher end of normal. It did drop at my last appointment. Yahoo! My BMI is also down 10 points. My doctor's goal weight for me is still considered "overweight" according to the BMI chart, but I think that anything less is pretty unrealistic for my build. 

Sticking to no sugar! I didn't have any stupid mistakes this week. I am really happy that I've been able to stick with that- for the most part. I think it has made the biggest difference in my life and I can attribute my continued weight loss to it. 

Hopefully the next update will be from the sunny beaches of the Dominican Republic! I might even get really brave and post a swimsuit picture!

Skinny jeans!

Feeling good in skinny jeans for the first time ever!

I have had some struggles in the last few days. I'm going to be 6 months out soon and it's getting tougher because my portions are larger. It's up to me to use this as a tool. I try to keep myself motivated with pictures and what not. If how I feel and look after an 80 pound weight loss isn't enough motivation for me, then I don't know what is. 

The good thing is that my body will not tolerate large amounts of added sugar! I ate a cupcake on Tuesday (yes, hi, my name is Amy, and I'm stupid) and I spent all day Wednesday paying for that poor decision. I'm actually quite relieved because that is great motivation to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!

I am officially starting the c25k app tomorrow night! Exercise will definitely help me meet my weight loss goals. It will be a necessity as my food portions get larger. 

I know I will have tough times and setbacks in this journey. I'm not so naive to think that it will all be puppies and rainbows the whole time. But I also know that a setback does not have to ruin the entire journey. 

Back on track! 

Most recent picture

Here's a more recent picture. This is with one of my choir seniors. 

Two days until freedom!

Tomorrow, we have kids until noon and then Wednesday is our institute. Freedom! Of course, Thursday is the Six Flags trip, but that's mostly fun. 

I hit 81 pounds lost this morning! I definitely did a happy dance. I feel so wonderful. I have 7 more pounds to lose to hit my goal before vacation. I've got three weeks. I think I can do it. Every single pound is a victory. I can't believe I'm so fortunate to have this second chance at an active, healthy, and fulfilling life. I know now that I can accomplish anything. Bring on the 5K training! I ran all the way from my house to a friend's tonight. I'm sure it was no farther than 1/8 of a mile, but that's still an accomplishment for me!

I can now see the 100 pound mark ahead of me.. I am so excited to get there. I would really like to be there by the end of summer. 

Naturally, I have some issues with loose skin now. I knew that I would, but it's still unpleasant. My arms are really showing if right now. My stomach, inner thighs, and butt aren't far behind. Plastic surgery will happen eventually. But, I figure it would be more intelligent to wait until after I'm done stretching out my stomach from having kids before I get any tucks done. Or maybe I could do the non-stomach tucks first. I don't know. I do have plastic surgery connections (don't ask me how!), and he's ready for me whenever I'm ready. First, I have 57 more pounds to lose!

Next week, I'll be playing with the Urbana Pops Orchestra. I'm so excited to play my flute again! I really miss it. Maggie isn't too thrilled about the flute thing because it means that the attention is not focused on her...

Summer... almost!

I suppose I'm overdue for an update. I'm not even sure that people read this, but it's nice to put my thoughts out there.

Since the musical ended, it has been a constant rush at school to get spring concert music learned, wrap up music appreciation classes, and get about 120 students auditioned for next year's ensembles. The junior high concert was last Monday. It went well! I'm really excited about next year's junior high choir. The ensemble is looking very strong. I can't wait to start working with them. (But first, I need a 2.5 month break.)

The high school concert is on Sunday. We had a month to learn our music since we didn't do much choir rehearsal during the musical. Beauty and the Beast was just so much more difficult that I had to take a lot of choir time to rehearse. And I picked very difficult music for the high school choir this semester. Our biggest challenge is a Gerald Finzi piece that is typically sung by college ensembles. I am so proud of them for working their butts off on it and getting it learned for the concert.

On Sunday I will be 5 months out from surgery. I am currently 78 pounds down total and 70 post-op. I've been on a stall for about 2 weeks now, but that's normal.

I am loving my new life. I love the energy I have and I love my new body. I still have 60 pounds left to lose (which seems really daunting right now...), but I'm just trying to enjoy my body currently.

The natural stretching of my stomach is freaking me out. I am so terrified of gaining back the weight. This is the part where I have to tell myself to keep using my surgery as a tool and not a solution. I will be able to eat more food, but it's up to me to make healthy choices. I literally have had nightmares about  gaining all of the weight back.

I am still committed to not eating sugar. I have tried a few things that have added sugar, and most of it does not bother me. However, I am making the voluntary commitment to stay away from it. I also try to avoid carbs. I don't eat pasta (but I crave it sometimes!), and I have massively cut back on bread.

I eat a lot of cheese and drink a lot of milk. I'm so glad that I love dairy and that it's a healthy part of my diet because of the protein.

I am still running bits at a time. Once school gets out, I plan on starting the C25K training. It is still exciting for me that I can run a whole block! It's difficult to run with Maggie though because she is so ADD. She will not be doing the C25K training for me. There are too many squirrels, kitties, and poop to smell in the world for her.

One month until I head to the Dominican Republic! I can't wait! And I have an entire new wardrobe to take with me!

One full week of school left... !